If you have a friend, family member, or coworker who has recently lost a bit of weight, your immediate response might be to compliment them on it or ask a series of questions. Although you have positive intentions, those in question might be feeling incredibly uncomfortable about their body and don’t want to discuss it.
As a society, we’re bombarded with messages about what the “ideal” body should look like. These unrealistic standards can have a negative impact on our mental health, leading many people to struggle with body image issues, especially those in the middle of a physical transition period.
We chatted with The Meadowglade’s Clinical Director, Christina Hesselbrock, about having meaningful and respectful conversations when discussing something so sensitive. In this blog, we guide you on what not to say when someone you care about has a shift in appearance by outlining five key phrases to avoid.
- “You look so good now and a lot better and healthier.”
Although you may mean well, Hesselbrock says this comment might make someone feel as if they didn’t look great before, and now that they have lost weight, they look amazing. This statement may immediately create the association with weight gain, and the fear of gaining weight can be very unmanageable. “Losing weight doesn’t equate to being a different person on the inside. Compliments are welcomed, but select your words carefully,” said Hesselbrock. Instead, try to focus on complimenting their other qualities unrelated to their body shape and size. “I love that color on you!” “You have great energy!” are just a few examples of non-physical compliments that can make them feel seen without judged.
- “Your clothes don’t look like they fit you anymore.”
Someone struggling with their body shifts may take this statement as a sign that their body shape and size are perceivable to others, leading to an increase in anxiety and distress. Avoid making comments about their physical appearance, including their fashion sense and especially how it fits on their current, former and future body.
- “What is your plan to keep all the weight off?”
Questions like that put the focus on the individual’s weight rather than their wellbeing, which can lead to them feeling inadequate. It may also imply that they are not doing enough or have failed in their weight loss attempts, leading to more feelings of shame and guilt. Stray away from these comments as they do not focus on the well-being of the individual, their plan for being healthy is private and does not need to be discussed, especially if they are already looking uncomfortable with the conversation.
- “I think you’re losing too much weight, how much more do you plan to lose, what is your current size?”
Individuals struggling with their image or simply losing weight don’t always see the same person in the mirror that others see.
These statements can be very harmful to someone struggling to be positive about their current situation. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, comparison, or increased anxiety. Instead, make statements that focus on their achievements or qualities and avoid comments or compliments on their body size.
PS: Phrasing a statement with “I think” is already a judgement, so try to be mindful of how you are starting these conversations.
- “Do you like all the attention you now receive?”
“In my work with clients, losing weight and being comfortable with their changed body can be difficult. Many prefer not to be noticed and may not love all the new attention. Working in therapy can help people gain more confidence and learn how to receive new attention,” says Christina Hesselbrock, The Meadowglade’s Clinical Director.
Many of those amid losing weight are not comfortable discussing the positive or negative attention this is bringing to them. They are aware of every little change surrounding their body and a comment like this can imply that the person is purposely seeking attention. Instead, make supportive statements that emphasize their worth as an individual and that they are valued for more than their size or shape.
It’s crucial to speak with kindness and be mindful of our comments when talking to someone struggling with their body image or going through any changes in their body. Be empathetic and avoid comments that may be triggering or harmful. If you’re unsure what to say, focus on building their self-esteem, encourage the person in other aspects of their life, and prioritize commentary that makes them feel comfortable and supported.
If someone you love is struggling with their mental health, The Meadowglade can be a great resource for regaining the strength and tools to live a healthy, happy life. Reach out to our admissions team today to learn more.